How to Get Your Social Life Back

Had fun doing an interview with ehow.com for their feature on parents making time for a social life. Check out the article below and let me know what you think!

How to Get Your Social Life Back

For many parents, having a social life is often relegated to slivers of free time found after working all day, helping with homework, cheering at soccer practice and bagging lunches.While the proverbial “me time” can seem elusive when your priority is raising healthy and happy children, experts say that making time for yourself is as essential to your children as it is to you and your spouse.Instead of feeling guilty about taking personal time, think about what having an active social life can teach your children, says author and relationship expert Ellie Slott Fisher.“If you’re always at home every Saturday night, as your children get older they can start to feel responsible for your social life,” Fisher said. “Having a social life gives your children permission to have one too, and it helps them develop into completely secure adults.”

Read More: How to Get Your Social Life Back

07
Mar
2013

The Social Parent

Over the weekend, a writer from eHow.com interviewed me for an article on the need for parents to carve out a social life in the midst of raising kids. It got me thinking.

When our kids are young and dependent on us for sustenance, wisdom, shelter, emotional support and car pooling, it is easy to shelve any social life that involves other adults. It’s difficult finding a babysitter for Valentine’s Day, for example. So let’s just make dinner for the family. Sure, I’d love to see Zero Dark Thirty, but what do I do with my 10 year old who wants to see … uh, (there are currently no G rated movies in the theater) but you get the point.

These plans are more often than not fueled by parental guilt. How can we go out to dinner with our college roommate and her husband when our 14 year old has no plans, is too old for a babysitter, and is going to be home alone? Even the offer of a let-loose ice cream sundae and any movie on Netflix does little if anything to assuage the guilt.

Often times, especially if we are a single parent, a child lets you know (insincerely) he or she will be “fine” if you leave them to go socialize with other adults. Translation: not really. As a result, if we have a child under the age of say, 15, we may feel the urge to bag the social event and hang out at home.

Not so fast.

My own children were very young when I first began dating as a widow. A few years later they were teenaged or approaching that milestone when I began dating after a second, brief brush with marriage. My guilt knew no bounds. I was a single mom and unless I sacrificed everything for my children, they would be unhappy. (This, of course, was my thinking. Not theirs.)

Fast forward to now. My children are young adults and in relationships (my daughter is married). I can assure you that if I didn’t have a social life now they would be miserable. Since they are happily socializing they don’t want to think that Mom is home eating an entire pizza by herself. They are relieved that I have been in a long term relationship for many years, and am rarely around on the weekends.

So, if you are where I was a few years ago, and you’re weighing a decision to go out with friends on Saturday night or stay home and watch the Disney channel, recognize that all you are doing is deferring the guilt.

And it’s not your guilt. It’s theirs.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

12
Feb
2013

Spoiler Alert: Last Sunday’s Downton Abbey Bombshell

 

I cry at Hallmark commercials. I’m not proud of this fact especially because I hate melodrama. But nonetheless I am a sucker for sap.

Sunday night, I anxiously awaited the latest episode of Downton Abbey. I am an unabashed fan, having watched the first two seasons on my iPad so I could catch up and watch the current season on TV.

But Sunday night, oh Sunday night, two-thirds into the episode I was happy I happened to have the house to myself. I couldn’t stop crying. It was so embarrassing.

If you are a fan you know by now that Sybil, the youngest of the sisters, died after delivering a baby. We got a sense something horrible was going to happen because she kept complaining about not feeling well. The family doctor wanted her in the hospital, but some prestigious blowhard physician with Sir in his name, convinced her father, the Earl of Grantham, that she was fine.

Obviously, she wasn’t.

Everyone loved Lady Sybil: her family, the servants, and most of all, her husband, who had been her chauffeur. When World War I broke out, Sybil went against her parents’ wishes and became a nurse. She also secretly helped one of the Abbey’s servants go to school She was kind, never aloof. Really, I could pick a couple of other characters we would have barely missed. But Sybil?

The more I learn to adjust to the news, and following similar thinkers on Twitter has helped, I’ve begun to admire the courage it took to kill off a loveable character. Downton Abbey was in danger of becoming boring what with Bates still in prison, and Thomas still a heel and middle sister Lady Edith still struggling with finding something to do.

But apparently the real reason for deleting Lady Sybil from the cast is neither creative nor complex.

Series creator Julian Fellowes says it wasn’t his wish to kill Sybil. So why did he? Actress Jessica Brown Findlay wanted off. She is scheduled to appear in the movie “Winter’s Tale” with Russell Crowe as well as “Lullaby” with Garrett Hedlund and Amy Adams.

In the end, it was just Hollywood.

 

 

 

 

29
Jan
2013

Those Stouffer Girls

 

Every so often I find myself reminiscing rather wistfully about a restaurant that figured prominently in my growing up. If “sweet rolls,” themed dining rooms (one on the Main Line appropriately called the Tack Room) and “Stouffer Girls” mean anything to you then you know what I’m referring to.

Today must of us know Stouffers only as the frozen food subsidiary of Nestle, a fact which does little to illuminate its origins. In fact, Stouffers began as a creamery business in 1922 in Medina, Ohio by Abraham and Mahala Stouffer, who quickly expanded it to a dairy stand in Cleveland.  Within a couple of years their two twenty-something sons, including one who graduated from Wharton, joined the company, growing the business into a full scale restaurant. After finding retail success in Cleveland, they began opening restaurants in Detroit, Pittsburgh, New York, Philadelphia and other cities. There were no waitresses, only “Stouffer Girls,” all impeccably well groomed and trained.

One of those Stouffer Girls happened to have been Dorothy Fisher, my late mother-in-law. Long before I joined the Fisher family, Dorothy had proudly lined up with other “Girls,” all of whom were dressed in uniforms as tidy and pressed as a Marine’s, and who held out their hands to display meticulous, manicured fingernails. Only then could the restaurant open for business. Ultimately, Dorothy became a manager, AKA a drill sergeant with a pleasant disposition, who supervised the dress rehearsal.

I was well aware of the restaurant chain as a child, having eaten at the Wynnewood, Pennsylvania locale with my family at least weekly for as many years as it remained in business.  There were three dining rooms, each with its own theme and décor. The menu changed daily but one reassuring constant was the offer of “hard roll or sweet.” We’d always ask for one of each, and smiling, the “Stouffer Girl” would place one sourdough and one sweet onto our bread plates. The sweet roll was always saved for dessert. It was lunchtime at the Wynnewood Stouffers where I first observed clusters of silver-haired widows sipping martinis.

When I graduated from college and moved to Philadelphia to become a news reporter, I used to meet my grandfather, Robert Schultz, and sometimes my sister, Susie Schultz (who coincidentally married a man with the same last name as our mom), at one of the Center City locations.

Local celebrities could be found dining at Stouffers during lunch or dinner. And my grandfather, who used to sell men’s clothing at Lit Brothers’ Department Store, knew all of them. Our meals were frequently interrupted by politicians, often ones I had tried unsuccessfully to reach for a news story, who stopped by our table to acknowledge Bob Schultz.

Short of this blog sounding like an advertisement, I need to explain that I own no stock in the company. I can’t even say I can remember the last time I ate Stouffers frozen foods. I can only say this: An old restaurant chain – a level between a diner and high end gourmet establishment – brings a smile to my face every time I think of it.

That, and it makes me crave cheesy macaroni and spinach soufflé.

08
Jan
2013

Election Day: A Bit Like Camp

 

As election season comes to a close – my mute button couldn’t take much more – I can’t help but equate the passion-driven loyalty to one side or another to overnight camp.

Decades ago when I was a camper my favorite time all summer was “Color War,” now deemed politically incorrect lest we encourage our children to like “war.” The “color” part had to do with the camp’s colors. In my case, blue and gold. For one solid week entire bunks were split, families were separated (my sister and cousins were on different teams) as we ate, played and competed as a team.  There were competitions in all sports, sing-offs and activities like treasure hunts and skits.

It got intense.

For seven consecutive summers whether I was on the blue team or the gold, I lost. But it never stopped me from going back the following summer and embracing Color War with as much enthusiasm and effort as I had previously displayed. I wouldn’t always lose. Right?

In my eighth time experiencing Color War, though at a different camp and one where I was a young counselor in training, I was selected as a general of one team. My best friend from childhood and a phenomenal athlete who I had competed against for years, Barbara Levin, was made the general of the other.

We competed head to head in a number of events, including one sprint which, after years of Barbara always coming in first, I finally prevailed despite slipping on a muddy patch.

At the end of the week, when the votes were tallied and all the points collected, the winner was announced. My team! I can still remember the feeling, jumping up and down, crying, everyone looking at me like I was ridiculous and overreacting. “But you don’t understand.” I retorted. “I never win! I lose every year!”

Still, it was just Color War;  week of activities at camp.

At the time I didn’t realize that the experience of losing, and very rarely winning, would ultimately help me appreciate political elections. Not all of my choices came out as victors last week, but that won’t stop me from feeling just as passionate the next time around.

Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose.

The operative word being “sometimes.”

 

13
Nov
2012


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