The thing about sons is that they speak several languages. There’s the polite but efficient speech suitable for school or work. There’s the abbreviated, less-is-best talk reserved for the general public. There’s the edgy, cool communication reserved for contemporaries. And then there’s Momspeak. Boys/men break into Momspeak only when corresponding with their mothers.
Momspeak has some unique traits: It has a minimalist vocabulary; it is usually only activated by questions from Mom, and it requires its recipient to read between the lines. Momspeak usually coincides with a son’s entering puberty, which not coincidentally, coincides with his discovery of girls. The language of a previously chatty son devolves into a series of grunts, and “nahs” and “goods.”
Now, when a mom really wants to find out what’s going on in her son’s life – especially his love life – she finds him selfishly guarding his words, offering as little as possible. Why? Because he knows that one statement, one SIMPLE statement like “I’m going to see Leap Year with some friends” will lead to a barrage of questions from Mom. “Huh? A romantic comedy? Isn’t The Hangover more like it?”
There are tricks to find out the required information so long as you are respectful and are willing to settle for one bite at a time. Ask one question. “Oh, so you must be going with boys and girls. Is that girl in your class one of them?” If you get a yes, resist the temptation to ask more, and instead say, “Have fun.” AFTER he comes home from the movies, you may be able to ask a couple more.
I realize there are some mothers who never go through this, but I have found them few and far between. Most moms know exactly what I mean by Momspeak. Do you? And how do you handle your reticent son – whether he’s 14 or 40?
