A friend of mine celebrated her 40th birthday by inviting a bunch of her friends and her mother-in-law out to dinner. She opened one great gift after another until she got to her mother-in-law’s present. It was a size small sweater embroidered with a cutesy saying, “Tennis is my racket.” My friend is neither a size small, nor does she play tennis.
Just like mothers-in-law find they sometimes have to bite their tongues. So do daughters-in-law. My girlfriend mustered up her inner Renee Zellweger and said thank you.
Gift giving, when it involves the women in a guy’s life, is inherently problematic. First of all, at what point in a couple’s relationship is the mother of the guy, or his significant other, required to give a gift to the other woman? And what sort of gift? And if the gift is really thoughtless, are you still obligated to say thank you?
I know. I know. It’s hard to be appreciative when someone has either been pretty inconsiderate or just plain cheap. But this is one of those areas that when it involves “the other woman” etiquette trumps honesty.
I met my mother-in-law when I was nineteen. At that point in my life I wore clothes from the Junior departments. As I became her daughter-in-law, and certainly when I entered my 30s and 40s, I had long moved into Designer Misses departments. Still, every birthday and Christmas, I accepted her size five gift with pleasure, and made plans to return it for something more fitting. I’m pretty sure she never knew this.
Have you found yourself in this situation where either your gift wasn’t received very well, or you received a gift that was inappropriate? Or worse, did your husband give his mom a gift and leave your name off the card? What did you do to let your feelings be known? Or are you still grinning and bearing it?
I’d love to hear from you before the next holiday or birthday!
