Happy Birthday Charlie

Today would have been my husband’s 66th birthday. That’s 24 birthdays that I have not been able to wish him “all my love forever” or “here’s to another wonderful year together.”

Instead I call my kids – now closer to the age their father passed away than to the ages they were when he did – and say with humor, “A corona at lunch today in honor of Daddy!”

This is not meant to be maudlin, but a celebration of one of the finest men to have ever lived. I may refer to Charles A. Fisher III in my writings, but I rarely discuss him in any intimate detail. I just assume no one really cares other than me, my children, my family – my mom in particular – my very, very close friends, and scores of men and women whose lives he touched as a teacher, as a marine fire crew chief in Vietnam, as an assistant district attorney in Philadelphia, and as a partner in a Philadelphia law firm.

Charlie Fisher: Fish to his closest friends; Buddy to me; Chuck to his fraternity brothers who knew how much he hated that moniker. A man with integrity, self-confidence, intelligence, compassion and wit. How lucky we all were to have him grace our lives.

Thank you dear readers for indulging me.

Now go get that lime and join me in a toast!

16
Oct
2013

Save the Nursery Rhyme!

Currently, there are no children in my house either old enough or young enough for nursery rhymes, yet children’s books too numerous to count fill the bottom shelves of my bookcase. So imagine my distress when I read an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer that parents are no longer reading nursery rhymes to their children.

“Too scary,” began the comments from parents.

“Annoying”

“Too rhymey.” (No, really?)

Maybe I am alone in my thinking but knowing Humpty Dumpty fell down, broke his crown and all the king’s men couldn’t do a damn thing about it, really didn’t ruin my childhood, or my children’s.

For that matter, regardless of Jack’s weak-footing, I never feared I would go tumbling down and break my crown.

And Little Miss Muffet? I honestly believe if someone suffers from arachnophobia, it has little to do with her particular case.

Nursery rhymes are a part of childhood and are no more “violent,” (one parent’s description, not mine) than television, movies, the Internet, video games, Halloween, coal in your stocking, or, actual reality. We can shield our children as best we can from the horrors of life, but even they can distinguish the difference between the death of “Cock Robin” and the death of a loved one.

Nursery rhymes are merely nonsensical songs to them, ones they can feel pride in memorizing. It’s the very fact that they are “rhymey” that makes them easy to remember. “Georgie Porgie,” “Goosey Goosey Gander,” “Sticks and Stones,” at an early age, titles such as these help us form speech, sing, recognize rhyming, and connect to others who know the exact same words.

Fine, you may choose not to read: “Now I lay me down to sleep…If I shall die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take.” (As my daughter just told me: “Mom, some nursery rhymes ARE actually disturbing.”)

But “Jack Sprat?” He couldn’t eat fat. His wife couldn’t eat lean. So between the two of them they licked the plate clean. Hmmm. A valuable lesson on cholesterol, obesity, nutrition, waste, sustainability, recycling, marriage, compromise, health, sharing, and so on.

Growing up I was never upset by the old woman who had so many children, she didn’t know what to do so she gave them some broth without any bread and then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed. Well, I suppose I may have been if I knew any families living in shoes. But I didn’t.

If we as parents and grandparents stop sharing nursery rhymes great literature may not be far behind. Because as scary as any nursery rhyme may be, none is more so than the classic tales of Maurice Sendak’s “Where the Wild Things Are” or Roald Dahl’s “The Witches.”

And I’m fairly certain that if we stop introducing the works of such literary geniuses to our children, we’re bound to feel pretty awful.

Even worse, I believe, than those three little kittens who lost their mittens.

23
Sep
2013

Different trails bring mother, son together

At first, when the opportunity arose for my son and me to ski in Beaver Creek, Colo., for a scant three days, I was concerned that our different levels of ability — like the nascent pairings on Dancing With the Stars — would mean a lonely and humdrum trip.

The skiing and the scenery at Beaver Creek, Colo., were exhilarating, inspiring, and rewarding.

The skiing and the scenery at Beaver Creek, Colo., were exhilarating, inspiring, and rewarding.

We are a study in contrasts: Noah is an expert downhill skier and snowboarder, while I have found a permanent home on the greens. Given that we had left friends and family at home working, and that we couldn’t ski together very well, we each took advantage of the independence to tackle something new. Telemark skiing for Noah; cross-country for me.

Lest you think cross-country, with its customary flat terrain and less cumbersome equipment, is a walk in the park, let me introduce you to McCoy Park. It has an elevation of 11,000 feet, and you can only access it by a chairlift while attached to skis by the toes of your boots.

Few cross-country trails in the world can match McCoy’s 500 mountainous acres of powder, blemished only by markings of wildlife. Lulling sounds come from magpies, intermittent bursts of wind, and the occasional snowshoer. Breathtaking views converge on the white-capped Rockies, and startling stands of aspens.

I took lessons through Beaver Creek’s Nordic Center, determined to make significant progress during our brief visit. Despite repeated falls going downhill, imagine my happiness when the instructor matter-offactly referred to me as intermediate.

Meanwhile, and on the other side of an imposing mountain, my son was learning to tele ski. Picture downhill with lunges. He began Sunday on the greens and finished Tuesday on the blacks. So much for being a chip off the old block.

Even though we didn’t ski together, we met for lunch every day. Seated outdoors by firepits, we munched on local delicacies and talked about our mornings. Afterward, Noah returned to the slopes, and I walked into the village, home to shops so unusual that one actually sells a 500,000-year-old giant sloth skeleton (price available on request).

Like Pavlovian dogs, we reconnected at 3 p.m. at the base of the mountain, where a half-dozen bakery chefs appeared with plates of still-bubbling chocolate chip cookies. Après-ski drinks could wait.

After an hour relaxing in the condo, we headed to our favorites for dinner: the no-frills Saloon in Minturn, Colo., a tiny Western town frozen in time; and the Dusty Boot, in Beaver Creek, with luscious Tex-Mex food and even more luscious margaritas. We ended the trip with a lavish meal at Zach’s Cabin, a mountaintop log cabin reached only by an open-air snowcat. The ride back after dinner treated us to a night sky so untainted by light pollution we felt as though we could reach up and pluck a handful of stars.

The next morning, I boarded a flight to Philadelphia, and my son to Boston. As we hugged goodbye in the airport, I thought how even though we skied apart, we had the most wonderful time together.

Originally published in The Philadelphia Inquirer April 28, 2013

29
Apr
2013

The Social Parent

Over the weekend, a writer from eHow.com interviewed me for an article on the need for parents to carve out a social life in the midst of raising kids. It got me thinking.

When our kids are young and dependent on us for sustenance, wisdom, shelter, emotional support and car pooling, it is easy to shelve any social life that involves other adults. It’s difficult finding a babysitter for Valentine’s Day, for example. So let’s just make dinner for the family. Sure, I’d love to see Zero Dark Thirty, but what do I do with my 10 year old who wants to see … uh, (there are currently no G rated movies in the theater) but you get the point.

These plans are more often than not fueled by parental guilt. How can we go out to dinner with our college roommate and her husband when our 14 year old has no plans, is too old for a babysitter, and is going to be home alone? Even the offer of a let-loose ice cream sundae and any movie on Netflix does little if anything to assuage the guilt.

Often times, especially if we are a single parent, a child lets you know (insincerely) he or she will be “fine” if you leave them to go socialize with other adults. Translation: not really. As a result, if we have a child under the age of say, 15, we may feel the urge to bag the social event and hang out at home.

Not so fast.

My own children were very young when I first began dating as a widow. A few years later they were teenaged or approaching that milestone when I began dating after a second, brief brush with marriage. My guilt knew no bounds. I was a single mom and unless I sacrificed everything for my children, they would be unhappy. (This, of course, was my thinking. Not theirs.)

Fast forward to now. My children are young adults and in relationships (my daughter is married). I can assure you that if I didn’t have a social life now they would be miserable. Since they are happily socializing they don’t want to think that Mom is home eating an entire pizza by herself. They are relieved that I have been in a long term relationship for many years, and am rarely around on the weekends.

So, if you are where I was a few years ago, and you’re weighing a decision to go out with friends on Saturday night or stay home and watch the Disney channel, recognize that all you are doing is deferring the guilt.

And it’s not your guilt. It’s theirs.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

12
Feb
2013

Those Stouffer Girls

 

Every so often I find myself reminiscing rather wistfully about a restaurant that figured prominently in my growing up. If “sweet rolls,” themed dining rooms (one on the Main Line appropriately called the Tack Room) and “Stouffer Girls” mean anything to you then you know what I’m referring to.

Today must of us know Stouffers only as the frozen food subsidiary of Nestle, a fact which does little to illuminate its origins. In fact, Stouffers began as a creamery business in 1922 in Medina, Ohio by Abraham and Mahala Stouffer, who quickly expanded it to a dairy stand in Cleveland.  Within a couple of years their two twenty-something sons, including one who graduated from Wharton, joined the company, growing the business into a full scale restaurant. After finding retail success in Cleveland, they began opening restaurants in Detroit, Pittsburgh, New York, Philadelphia and other cities. There were no waitresses, only “Stouffer Girls,” all impeccably well groomed and trained.

One of those Stouffer Girls happened to have been Dorothy Fisher, my late mother-in-law. Long before I joined the Fisher family, Dorothy had proudly lined up with other “Girls,” all of whom were dressed in uniforms as tidy and pressed as a Marine’s, and who held out their hands to display meticulous, manicured fingernails. Only then could the restaurant open for business. Ultimately, Dorothy became a manager, AKA a drill sergeant with a pleasant disposition, who supervised the dress rehearsal.

I was well aware of the restaurant chain as a child, having eaten at the Wynnewood, Pennsylvania locale with my family at least weekly for as many years as it remained in business.  There were three dining rooms, each with its own theme and décor. The menu changed daily but one reassuring constant was the offer of “hard roll or sweet.” We’d always ask for one of each, and smiling, the “Stouffer Girl” would place one sourdough and one sweet onto our bread plates. The sweet roll was always saved for dessert. It was lunchtime at the Wynnewood Stouffers where I first observed clusters of silver-haired widows sipping martinis.

When I graduated from college and moved to Philadelphia to become a news reporter, I used to meet my grandfather, Robert Schultz, and sometimes my sister, Susie Schultz (who coincidentally married a man with the same last name as our mom), at one of the Center City locations.

Local celebrities could be found dining at Stouffers during lunch or dinner. And my grandfather, who used to sell men’s clothing at Lit Brothers’ Department Store, knew all of them. Our meals were frequently interrupted by politicians, often ones I had tried unsuccessfully to reach for a news story, who stopped by our table to acknowledge Bob Schultz.

Short of this blog sounding like an advertisement, I need to explain that I own no stock in the company. I can’t even say I can remember the last time I ate Stouffers frozen foods. I can only say this: An old restaurant chain – a level between a diner and high end gourmet establishment – brings a smile to my face every time I think of it.

That, and it makes me crave cheesy macaroni and spinach soufflé.

08
Jan
2013


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