Happy Mother's Day!

It’s Mother’s Day. And, to be honest, I feel a little melancholy.

In about three hours a portion of my extended family will converge on my home. And, as I have done for 29 years (since my daughter was born) I will barbeque hamburgers and hotdogs. It may not seem like much but what leads up to this day takes a lot of planning.

Anticipating that this might be the one of two times my sister will visit (the other being Thanksgiving), and that my mom has spent the winter in Florida and is coming to my home for the first time in months, and because I like my kids to be proud of their home (even though they no longer live here!), I spend the preceding weeks cleaning the inside of my home, and raking and pruning and planting flowers on the outside.

I knew that my son was not coming home because he texted me last week that he was occupied with end-of-the-year school work (he’s in graduate school). I’m okay with his not coming home, but a TEXT! Am I the only mom who wishes technology had stopped at cell phones? It’s difficult enough to get sons to talk, and now they really don’t have to!

Wait.

I just remembered that small package that arrived in the mail a couple of days ago with a “Do Not Open Until Mother’s Day” written above the address. It’s from my son.

I’ll open it now. First of all there’s a card. It has a picture of garden implements on the outside and a Happy Mother’s Day printed on the bottom. My son has written a note inside, saying he hopes I like the books because he bought them at an independent book store in Providence. (What author doesn’t LOVE bookstores, especially independent ones!)

The first book is a guide to Spain (where I am heading in a few weeks) and a map. My son has attached a note to the front, saying that the map should be helpful WHEN I get lost. (So he does know me.)

The second is a tiny memo book, because, as a note with that points out, whenever I take a trip I always record every detail in a tiny memo book. (Often to the beat of my kids’ rolling their eyes.)

The third book is called A Little Piece of Earth. How to Grow Your Own Food in Small Spaces. The note attached to that says he wanted to buy it for himself “but I thought you would have more success!”

And the fourth book is Earth. Making a Life on a Tough New Planet. This includes a note that says, “all the rage in my circle.” His circle! My son – who’s studying for his masters in environmental policy – is asking his mom to take a look at something he and his friends find interesting.

Wow, what a wonderful Mother’s Day.

Thank God my son knows how to communicate using the written word.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there!

09
May
2010

Crystallizing Issues with the OTHER Woman

I know it’s rare to find some woman somewhere who isn’t in some way affected by another woman connected to a male in her life. Even a woman who only has daughters still has to face the mother and/or sister of her sons-in-law. Sorry ladies, there is no getting away from it. But to make you feel a little better, you need to meet Crystal, whose blog (Crystal & Company) is very, very funny. She wrote a book review of It’s Either Her or Me and illustrated it with a photograph of her little boy wearing a T-shirt with the book cover on it. Oh, and he was reading the book. So maybe I’m a little prejudiced. But seriously, Crystal has five sons. That’s right FIVE. And although they are years away from discovering girls (warning: years turn into months, months turn into days, and poof, where did she come from?) she is already considering how to handle her daughters-in-law. She will turn herself into their BFF, take them shopping and offer to watch the grandkids while her as of yet only imaginary daughters-in -law run errands. She’s also already expecting to have to move Christmas from her home to her daughters-in-law, and accept that they may very well move far away, taking her grandchildren with them. But as she says, if she plays her cards right, she’ll be encouraged to visit all the time and baby-sit her grandkids.

With this attitude, Crystal will do just fine.

By the way, besides being the mother of five little boys, Crystal is also the eldest sister of three brothers, two of whom are married and one who is about to be.

So just when you think you have it really tough with YOUR mother-in-law or sister-in-law or daughter-in-law, think of Crystal. And take a look at that adorable little boy wearing the T-shirt and reading the book and you’ll understand exactly why Crystal has already figured it out.

21
Apr
2010

Have Book Club, Will Travel! Start Chilling the Wine!

I’ve had a terrific response to my new blog page, Have Book Club, Will Travel! and so I’ve decided to run it as a blog. Here goes:

Starting in late spring, I will begin addressing book clubs, church and synagogue groups, school and library gatherings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, junior leagues or any great group of girlfriends on the subject matter of It’s Either Her or Me. (Or how to get along with your mother-in-law, daughter-in-law or sister-in-law without really trying!)

If your group is interested, I will lead a discussion, reading and signing and will either bring copies of It’s Either Her or Me for sale or you can order directly from bookstores or on-line retailers.

Click Here to order It’s Either Her or Me from Amazon.

Since few fun things in life are totally free(!), expenses and fees are as follows: A speaker’s fee will apply to each appearance. In addition, if the event is hosted more than one hour’s driving time from Philadelphia, travel expenses will need to be covered. If the event is within one hour’s drive time from Philadelphia, travel expenses are waived.

My speaker’s fee will be waived for the first 10 groups that sign up!

Email me and we’ll talk. Can’t wait to meet you!

P.S. I’ve been asked if I would do these sort of events for Mom, There’s a Man in the Kitchen and He’s Wearing Your Robe and for Dating for Dads. You bet.

 
16
Apr
2010

Daughters Talk. Sons Balk.

I just got a call from a friend whose eldest child is a 13-year-old boy. The day before she learned he had broken up with his girlfriend. She didn’t even know he HAD a girlfriend. Worse than having been kept out of the loop, her son wasn’t even the one to tell her. Instead, she learned about her son’s social life from a neighbor, who had heard it from her daughter.

The best advice I can give moms of young boys who are just beginning to pursue the opposite sex, is to befriend the mothers of the girls in your son’s class or in your neighborhood. Girls talk. Even if they don’t tell their moms everything about their own romantic lives, they have no problem telling them about someone else’s.

When my son was my in middle school, I drove him and another boy to a swim party at the home of a girl in their class. The mother of the girl greeted me at the door. She assured me she would be there to chaperone. But when another mother later went to pick up my son and hers, no adult answered the door. Instead our sons came to the door and ran to the car. They said the party was fun, but offered no other details.

It was weeks later when a mother of a girl in my son’s class told me that a couple of the girls had skinny dipped during that swim party. Obviously, her daughter wasn’t one of them so she told her mom. I was shocked, furious at the party girl’s mom, and forever made aware that I had a lot to learn – and it likely wasn’t going to come from my son.

How about your son? Is he more forthcoming that the ones I write about? Or have you just figured out how to pry the information out of him? Do tell!

07
Apr
2010

Sisters, Sisters

I’m often asked what prompted me to write on the topic of mothers of boys and their significant others. People often assume it had something to do with my feelings toward my son’s girlfriends or toward my own mother-in-law. But actually, it had little to do with me. And everything to do with my daughter.

I have been a single mom since my daughter was nine and my son was five and my husband, Charlie, died suddenly. Despite those young years of my kids acting like typical siblings and squabbling over the inequalities of bedtime or reprimands, they ultimately became very close. I like to take some credit for this, though I think it is more likely happenstance than parenting skills that made them appreciate they were all each other had. I figured the peace would be everlasting.

And then I experienced the effect of a stranger bursting into our family. It could be a man I’m dating, or someone my kids are. If it’s me, my kids become a unified force, simultaneously rolling their eyes and gaining solace knowing they both think that Mom has lost it. If my daughter brings home the stranger, my son doesn’t think any deeper than “Now I have company to watch sports,” and that he has a reprieve from my asking him to get off the couch. He assumes correctly. I don’t want to make my daughter’s boyfriend think that HE has to get up to help, too. Most important, this guy doesn’t affect my son’s relationship with his sister.

But my son’s choices? That is different. If his sister doesn’t like his girlfriend then I can kiss family vacations and get togethers goodbye. While my daughter isn’t leaving the family regardless of what we think of her boyfriend, my son will easily spend more time with his girlfriend’s family and less time with his own if he thinks she isn’t welcomed. And since the communication skills of males gradually lessen as they age, a mom could be devastated if some woman keeps her son at bay just because his sister doesn’t like her.

So when I write about “It’s Either Her or Me,” I am as much referring to the guy’s sister, as I am to his mom and significant other. Is this an issue in your family? At least – for what it’s worth – know you’re not alone.

24
Mar
2010


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