My Turn

So here I am: Author of three books about relationships including one that specifically delves into the issue of mothers-in-law.  From my very secure and confident perch I have given advice to women and daughters and sons since 2005. My wisdom has been discussed and considered by countless readers (or so I’d like to think).  I’ve absorbed and then passed on the earnest suggestions of many experts in the parenting field as well as those from other moms and their children. Now, after six years, I get to practice what I preach.

Gulp.

I learned a few weeks ago that I will soon become the subject of my book. My daughter, the older of my two children, has become engaged and plans to wed next summer.  Before you say to me, “Uh huh, let’s see how you feel now that the shoe is on your foot!” – let me just say the following:

First, I love my future son-in-law. He’s smart, hardworking, compassionate and, above all, adores my daughter. He’s made it easy for me to approve. I’m not sure he’s yet read Chapter Two of It’s Either Her or Me but he’s instinctively following the single most important piece of advice: Always, always, always put your wife first.

Second, I also love my future mechutonim (a unique Yiddish word that describes the relationship between the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents).  Coincidentally, before our kids ever met the groom’s mom and I had gotten to know each other through some mutual friends.  She generously attended the book launch for It’s Either her or Me and clearly understands how our kids are making a life for themselves. Plus, she loves my daughter.

Whew. Though what’s not to love…

Third, my future son-in-law has not one sister, but two. And from what I can tell they are fond of my daughter, as she is of them. Matter of fact, they seem pretty excited about their older brother marrying my daughter, who, having read the early, raw versions of It’s Either Her or Me understands her role in being a great sister-in-law to her husband’s siblings.

I know the road to wedding planning and thereafter is curvy at best and potholed at worst, but I’m hoping that after I have shamelessly just plugged my book, that I will, in fact, follow my own advice.

Filed under: Daughters,Daughters-in-Law,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Sisters,Sisters-in-Law,Sons
by Ellie Fisher
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09
Oct
2011

And Here Comes the Bride!

So you’re planning a wedding this season. Got your commemorative plates all set to go? The ones with the hand-painted portrait of the bride and groom? Has that million-dollar diamond-encrusted tiara been polished to a shine? Is your carriage all gassed up and ready to roll? (At $5 a gallon I’d recommend your driver moves r e a l slow.)

And how prepared are your flower girls and ring bearer? No concerns whatsoever that your little nephew will walk down the aisle fixing his wedgie, or that your adorable 11-year-old niece won’t clumsily handle the basket of rose petals? She is approaching that awkward stage. No, of course not, they will be the pinnacle of proper etiquette and refinement.

And if none of the above mirrors your plans, no worries. It’s not as though there is a wedding that the world is watching and your guests – although certainly without expectations – will involuntarily compare to yours. Okay, there is.

Pardon my presumptuousness, but I doubt your wedding will even remotely match up to that of Prince William and Kate Middleton. So don’t even go there. It’s too tempting to copy some of their regality – costly, regality. Even Macy’s is advertising a ring that just happens to be a sapphire surrounded by diamonds. The ad makes no mention of what the ring is intended to copy. Then again, a picture is worth a thousand words.

This is your (or your son’s or daughter’s) big day, a day that reflects on whom you are. If you want a black tie affair with carved ice sculptures and a 12-piece orchestra (and someone’s paying for it) then that’s your wish. If you’re more into the Sunday afternoon outdoor wedding along a bustling creek with a buffet lunch and a bridal party in short cocktail dresses, (hmm, which sounds very appealing) then go for that.

And if you had planned months and months ago to have a golden carriage pick you up and drive you to the cathedral, then clearly you had the idea first. So don’t change a thing.

If you have a wedding approaching – and I know you must since even I’m invited to four of them this summer – do what feels best to you, what fits your personality. And please accept my congratulations.

BTW, I kind of like the idea that Kate’s engagement ring isn’t a diamond. Although what’s a diamond engagement ring when you have access to the crown jewels?

Filed under: Daughters,Daughters-in-Law,Events,Fathers and Daughters,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Sisters-in-Law
by Ellie Fisher
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25
Apr
2011

Anyone Want to be on Television!?!?!?

I’m repeating this blog in case you missed it. I’ve already heard from several folks who either live in California or whose families do, but WEtv is still looking for more people for their show.

Anyone want to be on television?! And, more importantly, receive free counseling.

WEtv is launching a new program in southern California that is designed to help families who are struggling with difficult issues, such as those involving blended families, in-laws, parent/teenagers, eating disorders, bullying, unemployment, divorce, remarriage etc.

The casting director is looking for any nuclear families (children 10 or older) that would be interested in free counseling by Dr. Tara Fields, of Oprah, CNN, Dr. Phil fame. She would interview the family in their own home or in her office over the course of a week. The network would then provide additional counseling for six weeks. They realize the seven weeks in total won’t solve problems but they are hopeful it will help families have a breakthrough.

The interviews will be taped and then will air on WEtv. There is no studio audience. If you live in southern California (which I’m envious given the winter we’re having!) or if you know someone who does, and you or they would be interested in being on this show, please let me know. Families who appear will receive a $2,000 honorarium in addition to the free therapy.

Email me at ellie@ellieslottfisher.com. If you’d like, I can put you in touch with the casting director.

Filed under: Daughters-in-Law,Grandparents,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Single Fathers,Single Mothers,Sisters,Sisters-in-Law,Sons,Step Parents
by Ellie Fisher
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11
Feb
2011

Anyone Want to Be on Television?!?!

And, more importantly, receive free counseling.

WEtv is launching a new program in southern California that is designed to help families who are struggling with difficult issues, such as those involving blended families, in-laws, parent/teenagers, eating disorders, bullying, unemployment, divorce, remarriage etc.

The casting director is looking for any nuclear families (children 10 or older) that would be interested in free counseling by Dr. Tara Fields, of Oprah, CNN, Dr. Phil fame. She would interview the family in their own home or in her office over the course of a week. The network would then provide additional counseling for six weeks. They realize the seven weeks in total won’t solve problems but they are hopeful it will help families have a breakthrough.

The interviews will be taped and then will air on WEtv. There is no studio audience. If you live in southern California (which I’m envious given the winter we’re having!) or if you know someone who does, and you or they would be interested in being on this show, please let me know. Families who appear will receive a $2,000 honorarium in addition to the free therapy.

Email me at ellie@ellieslottfisher.com.

Filed under: Daughters-in-Law,Grandparents,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Single Fathers,Single Mothers,Sisters-in-Law,Sons,Step Parents
by Ellie Fisher
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04
Feb
2011

Ode to the Lisas in My Life

There was a time it seemed as though everyone in my life was named some derivative of Susan. My sister, my cousin, my sister-in-law, my agent, and enough girlfriends that each required a further identifying factor such as a surname or a link to their husband, like my friends SusieandArnie or SusanandOri.

In additional to their first names, these women share something else in common: they are all born within 10 years of each other. As I have gotten older, many of my friends have gotten younger, and nary a Susan in the mix. Instead, the name that fills my contact list so often I’ve given up assigning them speed dial numbers, is Lisa

For the sake of conversation, there’s Norwegian Lisa, Little Lisa, CareLisa, LisaOH, K-ELisa, YogaLisa, TallLisa, and so on. When I meet some woman in her forties if I forget her name (which I usually do) I feel pretty confident it’s Lisa.

So why am I seemingly so fixated on these names? I’m fascinated by how they define us. They can give away our approximate age; they can, if not pinpoint our cultural identities, at least eliminate some, and they can even say something about our parents who apparently were kind of hip when they chose a name that was mainstream popular.

Take my mom, for instance. She named me Ellen – a name neither she nor I have ever really used – just so she could in all good conscience nickname me Ellie. Growing up, Ellen was fairly popular with my age group. Don’t get me started on all my old friends named Ellen (love you Brooks) but today Ellen is a rarity. Ellie, however, is used so often that I frequently think I’m being scolded in the mall by a woman who, as it turns out, is trying to control her four-year-old. Who knew my mom was ahead of the curve.

The real reason I think so much about the commonality in our names is because doing so provides a sense of comfort. It feels familiar, recognizable, not very mysterious.

In fact, if I meet a Susan or a Lisa, I kind of feel as though I already know her.

Filed under: Daughters-in-Law,Relationships,Single Mothers,Sisters,Sisters-in-Law
by Ellie Fisher
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16
Nov
2010
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