Cruising Toward the BIG Day

A funny thing has happened to me as my daughter’s wedding fast approaches (we’re five days and counting), I’ve begun to chill. For whatever reason maybe the months of planning are starting to feel like old news. Maybe I’m finally aware that you can do no more than control your own actions and choices. Or maybe it’s the sound advice I’ve been getting from other people who have already been through the process.

As a result of my last newsletter in which I apologized for all the decisions wedding planning necessitates that end up leaving out and hurting folks, I received an overwhelming number of comments. Here’s an anonymous sampling:

“You really hit the nail on the head there…remember even the Royals (as in William and Kate) had to eliminate heads of state (the Obamas), relatives (former Auntie Sarah Ferguson) and others from their rather ‘elaborate’ wedding!”

“Best advice I can give is just relax and enjoy the day. It goes by way too quickly.”

“Once you have hosted a wedding, you are able to look back and forward through a new set of lenses. We had the identical apologetic thoughts after the fact. Since our daughter’s wedding, we have explained to many people who were feeling hurt at not getting an expected invitation to someone else’s child’s wedding that you can only understand ‘not making the cut’ once you have personally created and revised a wedding list for your own child’s wedding. Every point you made in your newsletter brought a smile of recognition to my face. Just think, the lessons you learned through the wedding planning process will remain with you for the rest of your life. And they will fill you with a forgiveness and understanding that will forever protect you from feeling angry, annoyed, hurt or slighted by decisions surrounding a friend or relative’s future wedding.”

“Just remember, the wedding will be a wonderful occasion no matter what happens with the weather, etc. Debra and the groom won’t even taste the food; they’ll be too busy seeing everyone. You don’t want a perfect affair; what would you have to talk about later if everything was perfect?”

The next time we meet I will be a mother-in-law. A cool, calm and collected one. I promise.

Filed under: Daughters,Mothers-in-Law,Single Mothers
by Ellie Fisher
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31
Jul
2012

Book Signing Today in Peddler’s Village!!!

If you’re looking for something fun to do on this gorgeous Sunday, come to the Apple Festival at Peddler’s Village in Lahaska, PA. While you’re there, stop by the Canterbury Tales Book Store between 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. and say hello. I’ll be signing my books, and munching on everything apple (including the world’s best chocolate covered apples!)

Filed under: Daughters-in-Law,Fathers and Daughters,Grandparents,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Single Fathers,Single Mothers,Sisters,Sisters-in-Law,Sons
by Ellie Fisher
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06
Nov
2011

Wedded Bliss

I used to think Salem, MA was only about witch hunts. Now I picture a gorgeous harbor teeming with gleaming boats, the house where Nathaniel Hawthorne was born, scrumptious and plentiful lobster rolls, and one glorious wedding weekend.

Lucky me. I got to attend the wedding of Morgan and Lindsay in the unique position of being a guest of both families. I’ve known the couple since before they began dating at 15, which was 11 years ago.  My son, who was best man, his girlfriend, and all his old high school buddies were there. I hate to throw around clichés like magical and spectacular. But honestly, that’s what the wedding was.

It was very untraditional. A magnificent Vera Wang bridal gown in a hue between ivory and butter yellow, and belted around the waist with a long black sash. A multi-tiered artistically rich wedding cake that was cut and put out on plates without any cake cutting ceremony.  No throwing of the bridal bouquet. No dancing until after we had finished our meals. (You could actually enjoy the food and talk to your table mates without screaming.) No tchotchkes on the table, just exquisite displays of yellow flowers.

With all the traditional wedding details avoided, the evening turned into one huge, outdoor party with a truly awesome band and a bridal couple that looked to thoroughly enjoy each and every minute, as well as each other.

Even the weather was perfect, and the venue remarkable. The wedding was held at the majestic Crane Estate. Picture a mini Versailles – maybe not so mini – in Ipswich, MA. The view from the slate patio where we partied for hours was of rolling green hills spilling into the ocean. It was dreamlike.

We boarded three big tour buses to go from our hotel in Salem to the estate so no one needed to drive. The party continued throughout the night with some hardy souls, most notably the bride and groom still dressed in their wedding attire, watching the sun come up. Amazingly the bride looked as gorgeous then as she did when she stepped onto the lawn with her parents.

I’ve spent much too much time today avoiding my work so I could look at the hundreds of pictures on Facebook and relive the wedding. I’m sure I’m not the only one doing this.

Morgan and Lindsay: I know you’re somewhere without Internet and still basking in the events of the past weekend. Just so you know, the rest of us are, too.

Love you guys.

Filed under: Daughters,Daughters-in-Law,Events,Fathers and Daughters,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Single Fathers,Single Mothers
by Ellie Fisher
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02
Aug
2011

The Groom's Mom – In or Out?

Sometimes I think I may regret my career as a relationship expert, particularly as the author of my latest book, It’s Either Her or Me. I counsel mothers of brides and the brides themselves to include the mother of the groom in the wedding planning.

 I’ve been to too many weddings and bridal showers as the guest of the groom’s family to ignore the potential for a lot of hurt feelings.  Even seemingly minor exclusions can create bad thoughts that tend to sit there, simmering indefinitely like a pot with an endless supply of water.

But I also understand why mothers of brides might feel possessive, not wanting to share their daughter with another woman. I also have a daughter. When she gets married aren’t I going to want to spend time alone with her, helping her select the prettiest gown, the most flattering hair style, and the most breathtaking flowers?

I’ve been with her through every important event in her life; leaving her off at her first day of kindergarten, moving her in and out of dorm rooms and apartments, consoling her when she didn’t make a team, rejoicing with her when she got her first real job. No one shared those ups and downs with me so why do I have to share the happy moments ahead?

Relax. That’s rhetorical. Cause I do.

Including the groom’s mom in as much as she would like to be included matters because this is no longer about just me and my daughter. Marriage is the first life event for our daughters that takes them out of the restricted environment of family. It’s meant to be shared with another family. And it’s the first of many future life events (think grandchildren) that are.

I hope that one day when I become the mother of the bride that I will practice what I write. I know it will take effort and compromise and a thick skin. But I also believe it will be the right thing to do.

As you know, I also have a son.

Filed under: Daughters,Daughters-in-Law,Events,Mothers-in-Law,Relationships,Single Mothers,Sons
by Ellie Fisher
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27
Jun
2011

Book Talk at Borders for Father's Day

Looking for something to buy Dad for Father’s Day? I’ll be at the Borders in Bryn Mawr, PA on Saturday, June 18, 2011 from 4:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m.

Come chat with me about Dating for Dads. The Single Father’s Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly.

 If you’re a dad, come learn how to date while maintaining your wonderful, hard-earned relationship with your kids. If you’re a kid (whether 12 or 40) maybe Dad, his new significant other, and you can learn how to make this new development great for everyone.

And if you’re neither, come anyway. I’d love to meet you!

Filed under: Daughters,Events,Fathers and Daughters,Relationships,Single Fathers,Single Mothers,Sons,Step Parents
by Ellie Fisher
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12
Jun
2011
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