And Here Comes the Bride!

So you’re planning a wedding this season. Got your commemorative plates all set to go? The ones with the hand-painted portrait of the bride and groom? Has that million-dollar diamond-encrusted tiara been polished to a shine? Is your carriage all gassed up and ready to roll? (At $5 a gallon I’d recommend your driver moves r e a l slow.)

And how prepared are your flower girls and ring bearer? No concerns whatsoever that your little nephew will walk down the aisle fixing his wedgie, or that your adorable 11-year-old niece won’t clumsily handle the basket of rose petals? She is approaching that awkward stage. No, of course not, they will be the pinnacle of proper etiquette and refinement.

And if none of the above mirrors your plans, no worries. It’s not as though there is a wedding that the world is watching and your guests – although certainly without expectations – will involuntarily compare to yours. Okay, there is.

Pardon my presumptuousness, but I doubt your wedding will even remotely match up to that of Prince William and Kate Middleton. So don’t even go there. It’s too tempting to copy some of their regality – costly, regality. Even Macy’s is advertising a ring that just happens to be a sapphire surrounded by diamonds. The ad makes no mention of what the ring is intended to copy. Then again, a picture is worth a thousand words.

This is your (or your son’s or daughter’s) big day, a day that reflects on whom you are. If you want a black tie affair with carved ice sculptures and a 12-piece orchestra (and someone’s paying for it) then that’s your wish. If you’re more into the Sunday afternoon outdoor wedding along a bustling creek with a buffet lunch and a bridal party in short cocktail dresses, (hmm, which sounds very appealing) then go for that.

And if you had planned months and months ago to have a golden carriage pick you up and drive you to the cathedral, then clearly you had the idea first. So don’t change a thing.

If you have a wedding approaching – and I know you must since even I’m invited to four of them this summer – do what feels best to you, what fits your personality. And please accept my congratulations.

BTW, I kind of like the idea that Kate’s engagement ring isn’t a diamond. Although what’s a diamond engagement ring when you have access to the crown jewels?

25
Apr
2011

Okay, one more article, one more kid!

Bear with me, but I am a mom and I’m allowed to rave.

This one is about my daughter, Debra, who’s mentioned in Variety etc. Check out the links.

“The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975” Plays On With Sundance Selects

Sundance Selects hears ‘Mixtape’

17
Feb
2011

Anyone Want to be on Television!?!?!?

I’m repeating this blog in case you missed it. I’ve already heard from several folks who either live in California or whose families do, but WEtv is still looking for more people for their show.

Anyone want to be on television?! And, more importantly, receive free counseling.

WEtv is launching a new program in southern California that is designed to help families who are struggling with difficult issues, such as those involving blended families, in-laws, parent/teenagers, eating disorders, bullying, unemployment, divorce, remarriage etc.

The casting director is looking for any nuclear families (children 10 or older) that would be interested in free counseling by Dr. Tara Fields, of Oprah, CNN, Dr. Phil fame. She would interview the family in their own home or in her office over the course of a week. The network would then provide additional counseling for six weeks. They realize the seven weeks in total won’t solve problems but they are hopeful it will help families have a breakthrough.

The interviews will be taped and then will air on WEtv. There is no studio audience. If you live in southern California (which I’m envious given the winter we’re having!) or if you know someone who does, and you or they would be interested in being on this show, please let me know. Families who appear will receive a $2,000 honorarium in addition to the free therapy.

Email me at ellie@ellieslottfisher.com. If you’d like, I can put you in touch with the casting director.

11
Feb
2011

A Taciturn Mother-in-Law Equals a Happy Grandparent

I just got off the phone with a woman I interviewed for It’s Either Her or Me. At the time of the interview, she hadn’t seen her grandchildren in more than two years. After years of hurtful exchanges between her and her daughter-in-law, she was effectively cut out of her grandchildren’s lives. Guess where she’s heading next weekend?

She’s flying north to New England to spend a long weekend with her son, his wife, and her two grandchildren. So what changed?

“I apologized. I apologized for everything. Even things I didn’t do,” she tells me with an ironic laugh. “It’s been great. I’ve been in touch with my family and my grandkids and now I’m spending the weekend with them.”

How difficult was it for this mom – let’s call her Jill – to apologize for some missteps and misunderstandings? “I thought it would be hard to do but it really wasn’t, and I’m certainly happy with the outcome.”

Flashback to when her daughter-in-law was pregnant. Jill couldn’t resist criticizing her for quitting her job long before her due date. That put so much pressure on my son! If it did, then that was up to the couple to decide. And then came the birth of the baby and Jill mustered up her inner Dr. Spock and freely offered parenting advice. So what’s wrong with that? New moms don’t want advice unless they ask for it. A lot of what we do as new moms is instinctive, anyway. We don’t want to hear what may have been the popular thinking 30 years earlier. Gad, we’d still be washing diapers!

When Jill says she apologized for “everything” even though, between you and me and her, she didn’t really think she had done anything so egregious, she learned a valuable lesson. New moms may be novices but they’re well-informed; they may be sleep-deprived but they’re euphoric; they may be emotionally fraught but they’re madly in love with their new baby. The last thing they want to hear from another person – ESPECIALLY the mother –in-law – is that they are bad moms. Although a mother-in-law offers advice out of love for her grandchild, such un-asked-for advice is usually viewed as critique.

Even if you’re the mother-in-law who feels you haven’t done anything to warrant the cold shoulder, consider the effect of swallowing your pride, doing a couple mea culpas, and reaching out.

Look what’s waiting for you on the other end.

06
Feb
2011

Anyone Want to Be on Television?!?!

And, more importantly, receive free counseling.

WEtv is launching a new program in southern California that is designed to help families who are struggling with difficult issues, such as those involving blended families, in-laws, parent/teenagers, eating disorders, bullying, unemployment, divorce, remarriage etc.

The casting director is looking for any nuclear families (children 10 or older) that would be interested in free counseling by Dr. Tara Fields, of Oprah, CNN, Dr. Phil fame. She would interview the family in their own home or in her office over the course of a week. The network would then provide additional counseling for six weeks. They realize the seven weeks in total won’t solve problems but they are hopeful it will help families have a breakthrough.

The interviews will be taped and then will air on WEtv. There is no studio audience. If you live in southern California (which I’m envious given the winter we’re having!) or if you know someone who does, and you or they would be interested in being on this show, please let me know. Families who appear will receive a $2,000 honorarium in addition to the free therapy.

Email me at ellie@ellieslottfisher.com.

04
Feb
2011


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